Tomato plays part of “savoury ingredient on plate” before marching for fruit pride.

Brexit negotiations have recently focused on our prized first meal of the day when the tomato decided it had had enough. A tomato that had recently been arrested at a pride march to come out as a fruit says “I am fed up with the casual racism of people who think the English plum can do a better job”.

The tomato took a Ryanair flight back to Alicante in Spain and some plums decided the Breksit plate was safer than a few mouths where they had been enjoying residencies. One plum remarked “People don’t enunciate their words anymore so it was getting a bit freaky in there”. His wife added “I’m going for a sausage and he can bring home the bacon.”

The idea of giving the jobs to English plums has started to mushroom and the grilled tomato is now toast on the British Breksit plate. One elderly gentleman was not pleased however, saying “I almost went out on a date. The plum pip got caught in my throat and I almost died.”

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