Voter apathy? They’re all the same? What’s the point? All vitally good inquiries we should all be making about who to vote for when the next election comes round.
To make life easier for you, take this quiz to find out:
Who should you be voting for in the next general election?
What does NQOSD stand for?
A). Never Query Our Serious Daughter
B). Neither Queer Or Straight Darling
C) Not Quite Our Sort Dear
D). Never Question Our Salad Dinner!
What hangs in your windows?
C). Burgundy velvet curtains
D). My laundry
What do you think about Screaming Lord Such?
B) Crazy Genius
When would you get solar panels?
A). When the sun is extinguished.
B). When I win the lottery
C). When I have time, ie never.
D). I’ve already got them you presumptuous cheeky patronizing idiot. Get your own.
What do you think of the English Weather?
A). Nowhere near enough sun. But if we had enough sun we wouldn’t be who we are would we?
B). It should go away and come back when it’s made its mind up.
C). A pain when so many events take place outdoors.
D). Better than Africa’s.
Choose a quadruped for your garden:
What causes extreme weather events?
A). Sexual proclavity
B). Grandmother’s spells.
C). How the hell should I know?
D). The weather system/probably climate change.
The Queen announces she will be coming to yours for tea. What do you do?
A). Sell your house and buy a better one.
B). Quickly put together a business plan Powerpoint Presentation.
C). Brush up on trending conversation topics.
D). Clean your home and do some baking.
What is your favourite drink?
A). An exotic cocktail I had once in Geneva, which you wouldn’t have heard of. Mwah!
B). Whatever you’re having.
C). Gin and Tonic with a slice of lemon with ice.
D). You can’t beat the treat of freshly squeezed orange juice.
Where would you live if mainland UK was converted into a giant prison as on the Johnny English film?
A). The Ascension Islands.
B). Wherever they give me the best deal.
C). The Isle of Wight. Need you ask.
That’s all the questions. Now for the answers. Below you will see who you should vote for.
If you mostly answered A:
You shouldn’t vote.
If you mostly answered B:
You probably wouldn’t know how to.
If you mostly answered C:
It’s your bloody fault we’re in a coalition. Snap out of it.
If you mostly answered D:
Whoever takes your fancy.