Security questions? Mother’s tea party chit chat more like.

I recently got given these questions to provide me with ‘security’. How exactly are they planning to do that?

I could not safely use one of them! Here’s why:

 
My father’s middle name? He’s got 2.
My first school? Is it St Hilary or Saint Hillary or St. Hilary’s….I could go on.
Childhood hero? Can’t remember a specific one. It was 30 years ago.
Favourite past time? Too many equally favourite. Not mentioning going to the pub either.
Favourite sports team? I’m a girl! (sorry girls with favourite teams). OK Liverpool. What?
High school mascot? How am I expected to remember that in my 40s?
First car or bike make? They have weird names to spell.
First met spouse or partner? I’m single.
Pet’s name? I don’t have one now, but have had many in lifetime. (Four decades of pets). Which one? And how will I remember which one when I’m asked the question again?

This is just more of this hideous way the world is moving to make everyone think like clerks.