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Did anyone think these through properly?

1. Passwords. When you’re asked to create a ‘strong’ password with 8 letters, number and symbol and can’t remember it.

2. Human-testers. The letters and numbers you have to type to show you’re human not a computer are often illegible. What’s the point in that?

3. Box-outs in newspaper features about crimes that give criminals a “cut-out-and-keep” guide to not getting caught next time. Biggest offender: tabloid article about threat of terrorist attacks on European nuclear power centres that provided a map showing every nuclear power station in Europe and US. Handy if the terrorists’ printer has broken down, eh?

4. Q and A columns written by one person as a cute way to provide info. Yeuch. It is revoltingly false, why bother pretending it’s a genuine Q and A? Madness. Reads like someone talking to self where they already know what questions they are going to be asked.

DEREK

– ‘Why are you such an idiot, Derek?’

DEREK

(Not even a beat or change of voice pitch)

– ‘Well, I’m always doing things like that’.

5. Defensiveness. The other person so obviously already knows.

6. The sound of someone carefully handling a paper bag. Argh! Just dip your hand in quickly, get your food out and put the blasted bag AWAY please.

7. £1 Marks and Sparks sushi. Can’t the box be smaller? £1 is fine for the 5 visible pieces of sushi, without the 2 invisible (and non-existent) ones hidden by the label. They must think we’re stupid enough to fall for the ‘bigger-box-with-label-over-empty-space-to-make-look-better-value’ packaging. Now I just trust Marks and Sparks less.

8. Unintelligible notifications. A tiny minority of personal computer and smart phone users are technicians so why do pop-up dialogue boxes inform us of gobbledygook numbers instead of using plain English? These look like coded messages to bombers when we could be told what is actually going on via recognisable words such as ‘insufficient signal’ or ‘download interrupted’. Funnily enough I got ‘error: a server error communication occurred’. when tried to post this. Goooood, much better.

9. Using only male actors’ names in opening film credits. If you want to use good female actors to sell films, we gotta know who they are!

10. Objects given egos. E.g. When a pint of milk (which presumably can’t speak for itself) is lucky enough to have a human print ‘keep me in the fridge’ on its box it can now really start to live! (Maybe even take up kite flying). What happens when it’s empty? Do we get ‘When you’ve enjoyed my contents (sob) please recycle me. Wah!’ Yuppie baby talk! What woolly namby-pamby patronising person started this? Probably the sort who said ‘don’t be so immature’ aged 7. Without the ‘me’ would I keep myself in fridge not knowing it meant the product?

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